A friend asked me recently about where we sit as a family at the dinner table. She was keen to know whether we had fixed seats and, if so, what dynamic this engendered between different family members, particularly our three children.
I thought about it and realised that, yes, we all occupied the same position each night. To her question about dynamics, I guess our arrangement was, in some way , reinforcing a particular pattern of behaviour. We’ve since updated our approach and now sit in different spots on some evenings. It’s the right move because, although familiarity is crucial, it’s important for kids, as they get older, to be flexible.
Parents with more than two offspring, on car journeys, are often confronted with the dilemma of who sits where. So, what becomes of the “unfortunate” one that ends up in the middle? Are they destined for a life of always having to compromise? Not so, according to a new research about the impact of different car positions and how they impact children in later life. In the survey of over 1,000 people (now grown up) with two siblings or more, 90% of those at a director-level position at work sat in the middle on family car journeys. Even more tellingly, four fifths of them believe that sitting between siblings directly contributed to their professional success.
The reality of these numbers really strikes home for me and we now not only rotate our dining positions, but our motoring ones too. Why? Because I believe it will make them more accommodating, more in tune with others’ needs and, ultimately, it will give them a heightened level of emotional intelligence. This belief has now been ratified through the research, as middle seat kids are shown to be reasonable, patient, level-headed and adaptable.
Of course, there’s an argument that successful business people need to be self-centred, driven and unwavering in the pursuit of achieving their goals. But we’ve all worked with people who possessed these traits, yet were unable to get the best out of the people that worked beneath them. True success is about choosing a destination and taking your colleagues with you on the journey to get there.
My advice is to keep mixing things up -rotate, as we do, the positions the kids occupy. Those in window seats may get caught up in the outside world, but the one between them will be all ears for conversation. Encourage this however you can. Ask questions, play games, tell jokes. Trust me, you’ll reap the rewards and, further down the line, they will too.
