The world of social media is seeing many youngsters lead a virtual life where there is no real contact with people, leading to the inability to relate to real people and lead healthy social lives. The result – many youngsters are developing unhealthy solo habits, one of which includes porn viewing which is becoming addictive within the confines of their rooms, leading to loneliness and further isolation from society.

I have been discussing different aspects of pornography with many people in my life – family, friends, students, counselors, doctors, and strangers even. I am alarmed by the kind of statistics and behavioral changes that are affecting adolescents, young adults and married couples and their relationships, more boys and men than women.

Porn is one of the first teachers of sexuality among boys. We all see that kids, especially boys are exposed to porn from a very young age due to the internet and mobile revolution today. During adolescence, with the physical and emotional spurts of puberty, the interest in sex develops. This is the age of curiosity that prompts them to seek an understanding of sex and sexual activity leading them to getting their first exposure of porn.

Porn can be viewed as a healthy diversion and habit when it comes from the basic human need of pleasuring oneself. Within limits and with education and awareness, it can be a healthy practice. However, today, the viewership has swung to the other extreme, becoming mainstream, with statistics showing that 60% of internet traffic is porn driven. This is an indication that there is no escape from porn today. With the mobile revolution, its easy access to a young audience is leading to addiction at a much younger age and impacting individual sexual activity and relationships later on.

Many adolescents start viewing pornography as a group with their peers and learning happens amidst a lot of embarrassing giggles, laughing at the act and poking fun of the actors. There is an initial element of awkwardness, shame, embarrassment, decreased self-confidence and sexual uncertainty. The more the taboos and restrictions by parents, the more the rebellion. This prevents the youth from gaining a proper understanding of their own sexual needs and means which lead to unhealthy habits. In the end, they find it difficult to be honest about their problems and seek help even when they see it affecting their daily lives negatively.

With porn becoming a regular habit, there is an element of pleasure which makes it more addictive in nature. Sex seems very rewarding. Thus, the likelihood of watching more frequently, increased hours, trying different kinds of pornography for stimulation, increased pleasure and orgasm is seen. Pornography has also been known to cause adolescent uncertainty about their sexual beliefs.

The pornography films they watch – the exaggerated sizes of organs, be it the penis or breasts; the duration of the sexual act, which goes on for over 20 minutes and seems to be everlasting, the drive and passion of the two actors involved, all lead the poor young viewers to believe that this is normal and thus becomes their rule book and guide. As they grow up and finally have their relationships, they are unable to find their partners attractive or living up to the porn fantasies, leading to cracks in the relationship even before it has begun.  

Many believe that porn is an absolutely healthy and a natural circumstance. They are totally unaware of when this so called healthy habit turns into an addiction affecting the self, relationships with their partner, family, community or society. The more they view porn, the more their tendency to fantasize and act out the porn film scenes when they engage in any sexual activity.Thus it becomes important for every person to understand what is healthy and to recognize signs that moves in the direction of an addiction.

A big tip to parents. If you find that your child is watching porn, don’t go ballistic. Gently close the door without any comments and take the time to do your homework on how to handle this delicate issue. It would help to have a private one-to-one discussion about sexuality and pornography to help him or her manage potential feelings of uncertainty and fill the gaps in their knowledge. Remember, that you have been in that place in your growing years too. Approach your son or daughter with the understanding that your child is exploring pornography as an uncertain youth learning to understand sexuality better. Take the help of a sexual health counselor/therapist if you would like support in understanding what to discuss with your child.

It becomes important as a society to understand the dangers of pornography and create awareness amongst people to help people make informed decisions and actions. Don’t push them away or shun them because you are upset with their habit. It is time to be pro active in helping people with porn addiction. Don’t wait for it to happen to your son or friend before you to take action. Take the initiative to work for a good cause by helping such people to help them reform and join mainstream society.

Educate yourself. Be informed. Take the right decision. Be liberated.

Vidya Bhat

Happy Relationships

Ms. Vidya Bhat, a Nutritionist and Yoga Therapist together with Dr. Sandip Deshpande founded Happy Relationships with a vision to provide sexual health education, awareness and therapy through their workshops and online consultations.

Readers can also email us at [email protected] with their feedback.