Meet Suresh Ramdas, Mr. Gay India 2019, a motivational speaker in his workspace. Amidst the pandemic, the certified diversity professional has been doing his bit to spread awareness about queer and mental health issues amongst the LGBTQ+ community. In an exclusive interview with News Karnataka, the facilitator expressed about his journey so far.
Being a motivational speaker
Suresh has over 16 years of experience in customer support and DEI with being a motivational speaker and facilitator. He said, “since 2014 when I came out, I’ve had the confidence to share my story. With the skill set of a facilitator, I was able to vocalise my thoughts and reach out to people. When I was invited to conferences and panel discussions, it took another turn internally. I understood how I could go on stage and motivate others to be their authentic selves.”
Every profession comes along with its own set of challenges and motivational speaking is no different. For Suresh, motivational speaking energises him due to the lack of understanding about the people from LGBTQ+ community. “I like these conversations. I wouldn’t say ‘tiring,’ since I enjoy speaking. When too many events come in, it becomes exhausting physically and mentally,” LGBTQ+ workplace, said advocate. Going to the gym or getting a massage helps Suresh relax and bounce back from that period.
We often hear incidents of psychologists and coaches being subjected to assaults in their workspace due to intolerance of their sexual orientations. For Suresh, however, the case was different. He always stood up for saying the things he had to, be it in person or in a gathering. He has been himself which includes being bold enough to vocalise his thoughts wherever required. This also comes from the training background as a facilitator. For those who are the victims in such instances, Suresh advised that firstly, they should take good care of themselves. “Collect all your thoughts and make yourself physically and mentally okay. Then, report it either anonymously or with the support of someone else,” he added.
Mental health problems during pandemic
With the second wave of Coronavirus, the pandemic has elicited repeated lockdowns which has increased the chances of developing depression and anxiety, especially amongst the youth. Suresh maintained that the pandemic has brought a lot of uncertain issues to the community. Those who had moved out of their hometowns in search of jobs or otherwise, had to go back home. “Most of them have returned to harmful or homophobic environments which aren’t allowing them to be themselves. Many were on medications before, for instance the ones who live with HIV,” he said. Suresh informed that the pandemic has become an obstacle in procuring medical essentials and hiding them from homophobic co-habitants, adding more aggravation to stress and anxiety. The proud dad of 2 four legged babies affirmed that he helps such members of the community by connecting them to the counsellors and mental health professionals. Suresh indulges in counselling after a short course – peer support counselling session, a Community Wellbeing Project created by Safe Access in collaboration with Mariwala Health Initiative.
The role of society and media
In conversation about the dynamic outlook on sexual minorities in the society, Suresh explained, “it’s happening at a very slow pace. But are we there? No. Steadily, corporates are bringing such conversations onboard. Post annulment of Section 377, some media houses and brands started vocalising about it, either in the form of an OTT series or advertisements.” On the other hand, there are many who indulge in shaming. With stereotypical representations of members of the community in mass media, the takeaway from such expression is rather limited. Suresh mentioned that until and unless representation comes in the right form, the stereotype will remain relevant. If the makers want authenticity to garner emotion, then they should pick people from the transgender communtity for trans characters, coach and up skill them, which will elicit a realistic experience. He also advocates for LGBTQ+ inclusion at corporate spaces. He advises other organisations to change policies through sensitisation.
Social media carries influential power that can often come in handy for someone like Suresh. “I’m a positive person. I make sure that whatever I do is interesting and gives out a positive vibe,” he contended. The motivational speaker shares happy moments on his page and avoids the dark side as it may trigger someone else’s struggle. He believes that just because a handle is public doesn’t give one the authority to say whatever he/she wants. He welcomes constructive criticism but not toxicity and hate. “Initially it was just for fun, but now I add intent to it,” he said.
Pillars of support
Parents, close friends and Suresh’s partner have played a vital role in his journey. He said, “for my parents, understanding and accepting me has been a journey. They’re reflecting on what it’s like to be gay and they don’t exert any pressure on me. They love their son for who he is. My friends have always stood by me and supported me during tough times as well. So yes, I think their role has been immense.”
From a small town to a big city trying to find his footing, Suresh’s father had his own journey. On the path of Kanyakumari to Mumbai Suresh’s mother faced many hardships and thrived. He takes inspiration from them.
Winning the title Mr Gay India 2019
Suresh candidly told that he was 37 when he participated in the competition. He found it interesting and looked for prerequisites. It required the candidate to be an out and proud gay man and to do something for the LGTBQ+ community. There was no age and colour bar. He revealed that there was no need to have 6 packs or bulging biceps, making the event very diverse and inclusive. Suresh was always interested in walking the ramp, but was denied opportunities on the basis of his skin color and behaviour. “I thought to myself, I have the opportunity now. I should participate and break stereotypes,” he said. Participation brings in visibility and a chance to build networks. “If you win, it gives you a lot more exposure. And the rest is history!” he added.
A message to the closeted and homophobic ones
Suresh encourages taking one’s own time to come out. “You’ve to take life on your terms and decide what’s comfortable to you, given the environment that you’re in and then take a call. As long as you’re in a good mental space, it’s absolutely fine to not come out at all too,” he recommended.
When people with power use it to do more harm than good, issues arise. Those with position and privilege drive such conversations, be it with homophobia, gender phobia, sexism or animal rights. Suresh informed that women are more empathetic towards the community than men since they’ve been devoid of their rights. Most of the men, nonetheless, have never been subjected to removal of rights.
“If you’re pulling somebody down through a power play, that shows your intent, lack of awareness, knowledge and education. I feel illiterates are far more sensitive about these issues,” he said. Human beings are bound to change. Everyone is unique and we’ve to celebrate it. He encourages giving everyone an environment to thrive. “Live and let live. If you can’t do this, think about it,” he advised.
Suresh wants to vocalise more on people living with HIV. He also intends to work towards making India Inc. a better place for the LGBTQ+ community members, especially for transgenders. With such optimistic, altering and responsive drives, the Indian society can surely witness an acceleration into the changing picture for the LGBTQ+ community.
