“Laughter is an instant vacation,” said Milton Berle. Here at NK, we would like to contribute to lightening your mood in preparation for a meaningful and relaxed weekend. So here’s the tongue-in-cheek look at the events of the week gone by that you’ve been waiting for 🙂
The Friday of this week was an important day for Indian Democracy (as it survives today) – no it was not Friday the 13th – but it just might turn out to be… It was a day when a motion was on test… and stool sitters had to evacuate and choose their medicine…bitter or sweet, potent or impotent… and some chose just to evacuate!
It was a day on which the opposition motion of no confidence in the Central government of the day was taken up for debate and division with theatrical hope on both sides. And theatrical it was when Rahul Gandhi gave PM Modi a hug at his seat after he was sure he was not going to get one (that was reserved for foreign heads of state).
It was then that the ‘Warrier’ in him took over and he gave a wink worthy of the internet storm that followed. Hearts swooned, but the mind was alert. Despite the lack of facts forthcoming during the debate, everyone listened to everyone patiently, surprisingly, and by the end of the debate, when the PM spoke, everyone knew the Rafale jet was on target to annihilate the opposition firepower. It was a surgical strike in full public view. The video was available instantly (not after two years). And Ramanujam did not fail the government – they won the vote 325 to 126. Nothing gained, nothing lost, but time well spent.
Early in the morning on the Friday, PM Modi took to Twitter – a platform on which he has lost nearly 300,000 followers following a crackdown on fake accounts that troll and spread fake news – to urge parliamentarians to have a positive and constructive outlook – Acche Din are still on the horizon apparently – much like Hitler told his troops during the last days of the II World War.
“Today is an important day in our Parliamentary democracy. I’m sure my fellow MP colleagues will rise to the occasion and ensure constructive, comprehensive and disruption-free debate,” he wrote on his official account on the micro-blogging site Twitter. “We owe this to the people and the makers of our Constitution. India will be watching us closely.” Perhaps this realization dawned late, for the lack of confidence was expressed in March 2018 in the budget session and India was watching closely since then!
Lynch mobs are the new lynchpin, the new steel frame of governance in our country. The Supreme Court whilst hearing a petition on the prevention of lynching (nobody else seems to want to do anything about it for fear of being lynched) directed the Government to consider framing a law to check the growing practice of this new form of democracy – My way or the highway – this because they believe they are building the highways at a speed faster than a Mercedes can reach in 3 seconds without its driver drinking milk! A prime example of this speed is the underpass at Nanthoor in Mangaluru on NH 17 and a flyover at Pump Well in the same city!
Apparently, however, the government doesn’t want to add to the records for own goals set at this year’s just concluded FIFA World Cup – 12 – and this includes one by the champions France – and is unlikely to bring it about.
Instead, they preferred to shoot the Instant Messenger – WhatsApp – for the same. Under unrelenting pressure from the Indian government to effectively handle the menace of lynching based on rumours and fake news on its platform, (Oh it is not a cultural evolution or revolution of their own making much like Mao Tse Tung’s in China, is it?) WhatsApp has announced a series of measures to curtail mass forwarding of messages, images and videos. In a statement on the deadly Friday, WhatsApp said it is launching a test to limit forwarding on WhatsApp. “In India — where people forward more messages, photos, and videos, than any other country in the world — we’ll also test a lower limit of five chats at once and we’ll remove the quick forward button next to media messages.” Whatsthat WhatsApp? – India is country of 130 Crore and you want to restrict us to five chats? Chaats is fine, but chats?
On the other hand, rumours abound that the Central Government wants to amend the Right to Information Act, the only Act that can inform us ordinary citizens of what the right is doing about what’s left of our rights…
Their amendment to the original Act allegedly proposes to give the Central government the right to fix the salaries and tenures of those (the info commissioners) who can order the government to give us information about their qualifications and shenanigans. Once through (might even be brought in as a money bill – after all, it’s all about money) the information commissioners can be either rewarded or discarded, for disseminating information as per the Act (unless it’s made in India). Post that amendment – if it goes through – they can never afford to forget who is packing their parachutes… lest they fall out of the sky on us citizens craning our necks below for the correct information…
Every year around this time, after the monsoon fails to deliver us from purgatory, prayers and Yagnas greet the Gods of Rain… for rain. This year they (the Gods) said enough is enough – too much money is being spent on us, by the parched people for acche din. Even the courts have had to carry the bucket, to ensure that neither farmers nor urban dwellers kick it. And so… This year and this last week we have had an abundance of the manna from heaven – so much of it, that the roads through the coastal cities from Thiruvananthapuram to Mumbai, have developed moonlike craters, buildings have fallen and people have died. Come hell or high water is a phrase that has taken on an entirely new lease of life…or death? The ISRO is now contemplating building a new type of Rover-like vehicle for use on earth. Going to the moon, as they had planned to do seems like a sheer waste of money, given that you can get the same experience on earth – All you have to do is wear a raincoat and gumboots – your astronaut suit – and fall into a pothole… A hell in one as the Tiger (Woods) said while playing Golf recently… (He’s been through it all!)
But there’s a happy lot too – farmers in the Cauvery Basin and urban dwellers in Bengaluru, on both sides of the state divide, and of course, the wannabes of the Cauvery Water Management Authority as mandated by the Supreme Court. The governments of both the states have welcomed this gift of abundance by the Gods as they struggle to survive the waterfalls in their respective states. The Government in the neighbouring state seems to be in a better position through – There are in addition to brimming water reservoirs, reservoirs of cash and gold that have been hitherto untapped, as recent IT raids revealed.
But water is more precious than Gold or Cash. This was evident when the Karnataka Water Resources ministry, allegedly gifted iPhone X’s to state MP’s and the legal team who fought the good fight. Their preference for the half-eaten apple to a full red one offered post sumptuous meals at the Karnataka Bhavan (not the Indira Canteen) is understandable perhaps when the stomach is full! Water phone I say, but maybe, unfortunately, a single X. And this X (not ex until next year) factor, meant that it had to be protected from the water itself and was therefore presented in a classy leather bag. Leather my friend is made from… well, I’ll leave that to you to find out!
Trump was Putin his place by Vladimir in Helsinki – that was the conclusion the world’s press drew from the post-summit press conference of the two leaders. On a high after a successful FIFA world cup, Putin ensured that Trump scored an own goal (despite America not qualifying for the World Cup) when the American President backed his line on poll interference over that of his own team. “He’s a good guy. Great guy. Nothing fake about him.”
Last word:
Jio my friend Jio, with or without it – by the time your kids are ready for college, you will have an institute of eminence to admit them to. Right now it doesn’t exist – Sorry it does but in a file of a very forward thinking HRD ministry. However in order to admit your progeny into this great – currently virtual – institute, he must have post-paid Jio connection, and you must have a net worth equivalent at least 1% of 5,000 Crores – the criteria for a student of eminence (not intelligence) tag. Anti-raid protections will probably be built into the admission fee.
But that’s a long way off. Don’t worry about it. Enjoy your weekend and have a great week ahead.
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