“Laughter is an instant vacation,” said Milton Berle. Here at NK, we would like to contribute to lightening your mood in preparation for a meaningful and relaxed weekend. So here’s the tongue-in-cheek look at the events of the week gone by that you’ve been waiting for 🙂
Navjot Singh Sidhu, hitherto known for his sixers, Sidhuisms and raucous laughter at reality comedy shows, graced a new cross-border comedy reality show this week – the first episode was all about peace between India and Pakistan.
It was shot (pun intended) in Pakistan’s capital city of Islamabad on the sets of his friend Imran Khan’s swearing-in ceremony as Pakistan’s new Prime Minister. Indian political circles and television watched and swore as he was sworn in.
Sidhu was one of only three Indians invited because of old rivalries on the cricket field and was the only one to attend. The other two did not want to put bat to ball apparently, as it might have lead to a snick to the slips. Despite their poor record recently, they were always lying in wait…
It was at the shooting, beyond the line of control, that the cabinet minister from Punjab on this side of the line of control, lost control and hugged the Pak army chief spontaneously which he said was in response to the warmth the Pak chief displayed on seeing him and more so, on what he said subsequently! “The first thing he said was that Pakistan is planning to open a corridor that will connect the holy shrine of Kartapur Sahib in Pakistan with and Dera Baba Nanak in India during the celebrations of the 550th birth anniversary of Guru Nanak.” “I was touched and became emotional after hearing this,” Sidhu told the media. According to him, the hug was not premeditated (Like previous hugs on Pakistan soil).
He hugged but didn’t wink. When he returned to India, however, his opponents began winking deliriously at his lack of self-control. It was a new kind of comedy show, one that he was not used to! The hug had now become a bug and the chance for peace he had sought to create by his visit, was slipping away fast, so much so that he had to clarify his behaviour to the aunties national, a growing conglomerate of likeminded (minded?) people. Even his friend from across the LOC had to come to his defence, but that only added to his woes as it was seen in India, as one over the shoulder for the over!
His clarification was simple. He was following in the footsteps of the nation’s illustrious leaders who were the pioneers of the premeditated hug for peace, progress and quid pro quo. That the original hug hypothesis, has not been proved yet through the data collected so far, is a different matter. The hypothesis holds good, so long as there is no competition from start-ups.
CEO of WhatsApp Chris Daniels met with the IT and Law minister to avoid being banned in India (India is WhatsApp’s biggest market with over 1/5th of the population on it exchanging ‘Aaj Accha Din hai ji’ every day) for promoting fake news that triggers mob violence.
The Minister asked them to open a corporate entity in India and subject themselves to Indian legal controls (like the Indian WhatsApp doppelganger that was supposed to replace it but failed!). He also told them to find a method to track the origin of the messages that triggered the violence.
Media reports suggest that the WhatsApp team in India, have agreed to all conditions, save the decryption of messages to find the origin of the destructive message. They can’t do it exclusively for India they say and it will also destroy the essence of the app. But really is it necessary – it is easily traceable. Silence in the face of aggressive eloquence was never encrypted was it?
Unlike the Ayurveda being promoted by the same Indian business house that tried to replace WhatsApp, modern medicine treats the symptoms – you have a migraine, you kill a headache with a pill, you have cancer, you provide chemotherapy – the symptoms subside for a while and then return, sometimes with a vengeance. I believe that only Ayurveda can help cure the disease at its root, and that’s pure nationalism at play. It treats the root cause, but the patient must be a willing partner in the curative process, else it won’t succeed. Diet control is an important part of this treatment.
The root cause has long been identified – it’s the continuous public discourses by political and religious leaders of all hues and quite a few television channels of dominance, hate and divisiveness. (If you have been watching television this week, you would have seen a number of bizarre (to say the least) theories being floated for the Kerala and Kodagu flood situation. This discourse percolates and solidifies into such messages that then trigger emotions that cannot be condoned but more importantly cannot be controlled.
Shooting the instant messenger though is a good beginning to bring about an end to people shooting at each other. But the end in 2019 is more important perhaps…. Either way, it sends a strong WhatsApp message to more than just 5 chat groups!
Local control of the entity that runs WhatsApp is apparently but a reasonable restriction (that’s a popular term in government and legal circles), like hiding the chocolates when a member of the family has diabetes and needs to exercise dietary control. But there’s always Swiggy to get around it, as the ad campaign says…
But control is good in this chaotic world one presumes – for we must realize that we are not intelligent enough to know how to help or through which channel in times of national calamities – I refer to the spate of WhatsApp messages in this regard – what to write about, what to watch, what to eat, what to wear, which are the correct GDP figures (there was some debate on that too recently) and finally whom to vote into office to control us all over again.
People in major parts of Kerala and a part of Karnataka bordering Kerala, endured a terrible time over the last couple of weeks. Their homes were flooded, some died, some lost their loved ones and pets while others pets entered their houses, most lost their personal belongings, their homes were rubbished and their lives stood still in the muddy flowing water. Flora and fauna too were not spared by the life giving water which turned into a life taking flood. For the residents of these two areas, the slogan water, water everywhere, but not a drop to drink became a reality. Interestingly, what most saw as a national calamity was defined by the central government as a calamity of severe nature! – But wasn’t it nature that caused the severe calamity?
Relief poured in from all over the country and abroad. Everyone but everyone pitched in to help – some with aerial surveys too (not fly by night operators though). The armed forces, fisherfolk and ordinary citizens were at the forefront of the effort and the tales of death and destruction juxtaposed with tales of courage and rescue on WhatsApp, Twitter, Instagram and Facebook were heart-rending.
Rebuilding will take a lot of effort, money (around Rs: 20,000 crores estimates say) and time – it is estimated, about a year. The next monsoon too is due after a year (there may be more to come this year itself, who knows – certainly not the MET). Offers of monetary assistance have poured in from states and the centre (from their deficit budgets) and abroad. But assistance from abroad is not what the Central Government doctor ordered for rehabilitation – It could hamper it!
Saurabh Chaudhary, all of 16 years, became the youngest Indian gold medal winner at the Asian Games as he trumped a field comprising multiple worlds and Olympic champions in the 10 m air pistol finals. He was supported in the medal tally by another 15-year-old shooter, Vihaan. Meanwhile, in England, the Indian cricket team put on a sterling display of batting, bowling and catching to return victorious in the third cricket test between the two nations and reduce England’s lead in the series to 1. Times are a changing and belief is now not just in karma but in the self. That’s the WhatsApp message that’s going out to more than 5 chats. The chaat people can win! But sadly not in a game that defined our dominance of the world – Kabaddi… India lost to its oil supplying partner – The Iranian team was well oiled despite the US sanctions being reimposed on that nation!
Last Word
A minor was raped on Independence Day of all days, in Mandasur in Madhya Pradesh, 2 persons were arrested and the trial was completed and sentence awarded in two months – They were sentenced to death as per the newly introduced IPC Section 376DB. Amazing! Meanwhile, a court in Ujjain, again in Madhya Pradesh, convicted and sentenced within seven hours a 14-year-old boy on charges of raping a minor girl. Since he was a juvenile, he was awarded a two-year sentence.
Extraordinary law enforcement zeal and speed augurs well for the safety of women, a great weekend and week ahead.
So dont hesitate to have a great weekend and good week ahead! If there is a crime, you can rest assured that the perpetrators will be caught and quartered quickly – provided you are not too scared to report it!
The author can be contacted at [email protected]
