“Laughter is an instant vacation.” said Milton Berle. Here at NK, we would like to contribute to lightening your mood in preparation for a meaningful and relaxed weekend. So here’s the tongue- in-cheek look at the events of the week gone by that you’ve been waiting for 🙂
India is in the fast lane: First it was the Congress together with its friends and foes in the opposition alike, that sat outside the parliament on a day long fast in the hot sun – nothing more nothing less. They could not sit inside its cool environs as it was adjourned repeatedly by the speaker, ostensibly due to their stubborn disruptive behaviour. That day the Parliament Canteen had to suffer a major loss of business and it won’t surprise many if the employees of the Canteen fast to retain their jobs.
Some of them were slow to fast as twitter came alive with images of some of them tucking into a feast before the fast and only God knows what savouries and unsavouries after it ended. They opined that their voice of reason was being stifled amidst the din of adjournments and in turn the country was suffering. Not really many would opine, because any legislation that gets passed in Parliament only heaps more misery on the common man. Common is a key word here.
Then it was the turn of the ruling party to pull a fast one. By now ‘we the people’ are used to it. Led by the PM and its Party President, they too fasted to save democracy… My attempt at satire cannot compare to this punch line at all.
In order to save democracy, all they needed to have done was table the no confidence motion submitted by some of the opposition parties and overcome, or rather, overwhelm it on the floor of the house (not in the well) with their numbers. Maybe their math was weak or their knees felt so, when they saw that more than few were beginning to disagree with their world view, sorry… India view.
The ruling party’s fast was in many ways unique and reflected the current virtual world we live in. Some fasted remotely and privately while hungrily going about their work, and some in public view careful to a fault not to feast before they fast – they were under strict instructions not to set twitter ablaze! Cashews and Chips are but snacks and not covered by the instructions…
The lesson – all cracys including democracy thrive on hunger.
Coffer time: Na Khayenge, na khane doonga. Raid kharke dikaunga. Absolutely, the ruling party and their leaders stuck to their word and raids followed. And the money which is like energy – it does not disappear it only converts itself into different forms – had to go somewhere quietly, whether through electoral bonds or otherwise. Naturally the man who wields the whip or rocks the cradle, gains the most from fear or affection as the case may be. And so it was with the country’s ruling party. According to an ADR (Association for Democratic Reform (as if that was a possibility!)) report, “In 2017, BJP’s income jumped by 81% to Rs 1,034 crore while Congress’ earnings dropped to Rs 225 crore”. Does it in some way explain their electoral successes? And the opposition’s resource crunch explain the opposition’s lack of successes?
Perhaps it’s time for the opposition parties to apply for a 365 day LOU for Rs: 1000 crores – this is peanuts compared to the value of LOU’s issued to the diamonteers who ran away with them – they can then easily repay after the 2019 elections. If money has nothing to do with winning elections, Hong Kong or London will welcome them surely. Public funding through LOU’s is the way forward!
Currency controlled: Satire is alive and well in the newspapers of the day without additives – though I can’t resist adding my two bits. I quote verbatim from a report in the Livemint on Feb 23rd 2018. “Currency circulation in India at 99% of pre-demonetisation level: RBI data – Currency in circulation in India stood at Rs 17.78 trillion as on 16 February, 98.94% of the Rs 17.94 trillion that was in circulation before demonetisation”.
In the interim, a lot has happened – terrorism and naxalism is under control (unhappy people burn the streets, they don’t kill), black money is under control (people are paying a low price for housing and high price for fuel to get to the housing), corruption even more so under control (it’s now easier to hide and count the money as its colours have increased in variety, hue and brightness) and all the money is accounted for with GST coming into force…. Though you can still transport money without a E-way bill as the Karnataka Elections will prove.
Democracy saved!: Democracy was also being saved in unusual ways in two of the most important states of India (for different reasons) – J&K and Uttar Pradesh. In the former, lawyers and crowds egged on by ruling party leaders disputed the law and its processes in the rape case of an 8-year-old, and in the latter, the police and the government protected a law maker and his khandan in the rape case of 16-year-old. If that is not democracy at its best, then what is? Non-functioning of parliament?
In the J&K case, in Kathua in Jammu, an 8-year-old was the victim of a horrific gang rape and murder allegedly by 6 individuals including but not limited to a juvenile in a place of worship of all places. The alleged rapists were championed by crowds carrying the national flag (important in a democracy) and politicians of a faction of the ruling coalition in the state. It was a victory for democracy which rightly or wrongly (whose glasses are you wearing?) depends on such rallies and protests for its vibrancy, but luckily, as the law and common sense prevailed, it turned out to be a victory for constitutional democracy which is distinct from its distant cousin – mobocracy.
Meanwhile in Unnao in Uttar Pradesh, a law maker for the last 15 years (through different political parties mind you), was at the centre of an allegation of rape of a 16-year-old who said both he and his henchmen gang raped her, albeit separately 16 days apart. Having met and sought action by the Chief Minister, a Yogi, and promised the same, she thought she could rest assured. But, that was not to be. There was no conclusive evidence for an arrest and interrrogation the police said, while the law maker’s brother and his henchmen allegedly beat up her father, killing him in the end. According to the post mortem report his colon was perforated.
There was no arrest, no investigation and not even an encounter to make the problem go away (probably his name was spelt wrong). This, despite encounter scientists from Delhi advising the government on this unique way of reducing crime – it’s been done before and experience counts. After all, he is a law maker – and democracy will be forever damaged if a veteran ruling party law maker is arrested or encountered (unless the court orders so). Meanwhile, the save democracy fast continued and India was glad that Democracy was saved.
Silence is golden: Anything that RG tweets or says or does quickly brings the former ruling party spokesmen (now ministers in the union cabinet) out of the woodwork in robust defence of their leaders and party. In the case of Kathua and Unnao they have issued a silent condemnation. That must be the interpretation given their reticence in the matter. We can’t have any other – democracy will be at stake. Maybe the Miranda warning applies – Anything you say can and will be used against you. And oh, one tends to forget one can’t speak while fasting (unless one fasts regularly). But once the fast was over – many spoke and both beti and democracry were saved.
Cauvery Premier League: The Cauvery Premier league got off to a tense start at the Chepauk Stadium in Chennai – the Chennai Super kings were back and in control of the river, their stadium and their cricket, but the BCCI and the state government were not. They discussed and then shifted the ensuing games to Pune. This, after the Cauvery Management Board, mandated by the Supreme Court, was deferred at the last minute by the Central government after it was discussed in hushed whispers by those in hush puppies in the corridors of power in Delhi just as the other two southern discomforts – the minority tag to a religion in Karnataka and the allegedly discriminatory terms of reference of the 15th finance commission – were discussed over a dram of Southern Comfort to no avail. Earlier, masters at event management, seemingly their event management skills are getting a little frayed as events begin to manage them.
The Facebook data scam: Facebook founder Mark Zuckerberg on Tuesday told the US Congress that he took personal responsibility for the leak of data on tens of millions of its users, and assured the senate that his company will do “everything” to ensure the upcoming elections in India and other countries are safe. “2018 is an incredibly important year for elections. Not just in the US mid-terms, but, around the world, there are important elections — in India, Brazil, Mexico, Pakistan and Hungary — and we want to make sure we do everything we can to protect the integrity of these elections,” the Facebook founder and CEO said. So, were the 2014 elections in India unsafe? Manipulated? Is that what he left unsaid? You could ask him through your Facebook page, coz the government won’t…
And finally: The Finance minister currently operates from a controlled environment, while the fuel prices operate from an uncontrolled environment.
Have a good weekend and great week ahead
The author can be contacted at [email protected]
