“Live for yourself, not for other people. Do not let your fear of being judged, disapproved of, or hated prevent you from being authentic “- Smitha Parker
Sometimes I catch myself saying “yes” out loud after thinking “No, no, no, no.” Why is it so challenging to say “no”? After all, it’s just a word. It got me thinking after I had been feeling stuck by my overpowering need to be accommodating for a while.
I questioned why it was so crucial for me to win everyone over that I would experience resentment and tension as a result. My greatest fear is rejection, thus I realised I was terrified to say no. I was worried that if I continued to do this, I would disappoint someone, infuriate them, hurt their feelings, or come across as impolite or unfriendly.
The most severe form of rejection is when others have bad opinions of me. I don’t care if they express their opinions about me aloud or not. It is the idea that they regard me with contempt. I then understood why I had such a hard time saying no. I am aware that this is a problem that many individuals encounter daily, not just me. It’s a difficult load to bear because the desire to say yes often coincides with a lack of self-worth.
You are not being nasty, selfish, or harsh if you say no. All of these false notions make it difficult to say no. Learning to let go of these beliefs, helps to understand where they came from. Have you ever questioned why it was so simple to say no when you were younger but is now so challenging? What took place?
Well, we were taught as kids that it was rude or wrong to say no. You were most likely thought disrespectful and reprimanded for saying no to your parents, teachers, uncles, grandparents, and other important people. No was off-bounds, and the kind and likeable response were to answer yes.
As we are all adults now, we are more mature, able to make our own decisions and have a better understanding of what is right and wrong. Hence, the word “no” shouldn’t be considered taboo; rather, it should be something we choose for ourselves, based on our own judgement.
But regrettably, we still cling to our preconceived notions from childhood and continue to connect saying “no” with being unlikeable, rude, harsh, or selfish. We fear that if we refuse, we will be left alone, rejected, or abandoned and will feel humiliated, guilty, or ashamed.
